I started this blog last year because I couldn’t talk my shit in just 140 characters on Twitter.
Now that I’ve got that out of the way…it feels kinda good to be writing after my lengthy hiatus. I actually wanted to write some fire shit when I felt like my life was going according to schedule. But as you may not know, I’m usually tardy for every party; so, I’m not shocked that my life is mimicking my behavior(s).
Usually in the middle of the year, I try to assess myself & my happiness in a whole bunch of different subjects. Like…am I doing well career-wise so far? Is my social life non-toxic? Is my workout regime paying off? Is my clothing still crack? You know, regular shit. And you know, after writing all of that…I realized I’m moderately content with the way things are going. It’s funny, I decided to pen my thoughts because I thought I was unhappy with the motions I was going with. Whoever said writing is therapeutic is definitely top 5, let me just say. This is fucked up though because my entire energy is shifting into writing something totally opposite as planned. “I guess that’s just the motion”, (Drake Feat. Sampha – ‘The Motion’).
A lot of times we’re overly critical of ourselves. As a person that has drowned in their own stress of “problems”, I understand the weight I put on my own shoulders. A lot of times it’s dead weight…but weight is weight & it’s only a matter of time before you give out. I really don’t have any advice on how to fix that, to be honest. I use to be one of those “coffee is weird” type of people until life became the weirdest thing. At the end of 2016, I received a job promotion. But last week I was getting yelled at (sort of) for doing my job incorrectly. I guess what I’m tryna’ say is, the more you win, the more weight of responsibility falls upon you. This isn’t bad. I guess we just need to take the time to really appreciate how we even got here in the first place.
Sidebar, I really wanna apologize if my thoughts seem to be all over the place. My thought process processes a lot…it’s overwhelming. But yo, none of what I have to say is nothing new. In fact, if you allow yourself to stay awake past 12, your mind will allow you to find solutions for all the simple shit we trip about. But who can handle the heart after 12? Not me. Anyway, my bad if you felt I was being distant. But in all honesty, I was being distant. But don’t feel too special, I was getting my mind right. If it’s any advice I would give to y’all, it’s to appreciate your solitude. The minute you feel like you need people around you to exist, you’ve already lost and you are lost, for the most part. Whoever said “the only power people have over us is the power we give to them” is also top 5. And for the people you no longer fuck with, you’ve got your reasons. Never mourn the death of a friendship from yesterday but rather have a good morning with the ones who still rock with you today. I’ve been having good mornings.
This might sound crazy but life moves on. Truthfully, there was a time when I didn’t understand how that can be possible. That stunted my growth for some time but I’m back and striving to be better. I guess that’s what I’ve been trying to say this whole time. My niece turned one last month and still hasn’t learned to walk. But she damn near tries her hardest day-to-day & falls gracefully each time. Think about that shit. (Who ever said “get that dirt off your shoulda” is most definitely top 5 – not up for debate.)
P.S. – Who needs depression when you have progression – is my fake mantra. Understand that I genuinely want everyone to win. Even you. And if you don’t love me anymore, you’re still a winner too.